So~ We watched Schindler's List tonight. And I don't know.

I didn't feel anything at all.

It was just like, "Well, I still know that the Holocaust was a terrible thing intellectually, but... this isn't making it any more real for me. I still can't actually understand how terrible it was, and what it means that so many people were killed."

I think my problem is, it's like... 6 million people, I think. 6 million people were murdered. And I have trouble conceptualising 100? 6 million is a number that's just... stupidly large to me, I can't understand it.

I think my level of empathy is inversely proportional to the number of people killed by something. That's a pretty bad thing to say, but I think it's true.

The more people die, the harder it gets for me to imagine... I don't know, the people themselves? The amount of loss that is? I don't know what it is, but I don't get it.

I'm not some kind of monster, right? :( /fails at empathy

So I'm sitting here going "What the fuck, my live feed hasn't updated in hours, what the hell are people doing that no one's online?!"

Then I look at the time and go, "Oh yeah, sleeping."

Guess I should try it too. Wish me luck, I think I'm gonna need it.

I've been thinking about it for the past 1 wk 1 day & I decided, I'm not going to make any resolutions this year. I only get kind of depressed come March when I realise I've broken all of them. I know the things I want to do, and the things I want to change - and I've been doing my best, more or less, since I realised them. That's not going to change just because I make it my 'Goal For 2009 (capitalisation required)'. So for 2009, too, I'll be plodding along at my usual pace. Please be patient with me. ♥

Slept even worse than usual last night - I have a bit of a cold, all sneezes sniffles and blocked nose/head, but... that was no excuse for the dreams I was having last night. They were crazy, fever-dream-crazy, and kind of upsetting. So I was tossing & turning & waking up frequently. I was in bed about 6 hours (yeah, I actually got up in the AM today, go me! :D) but I only spent about 4 of them deeply asleep. So I've been in a pretty weird state of mind to day - flying between emo and optimistic depending on whether or not I've ingested any chocolate in the last half hour, and feeling like my thoughts aren't following the paths I know as my own. Not very logical, not very coherent. Mainly spent browsing Fall Out Boy stuff and vending on Gaia - minimal interaction with other people is a good thing when I don't know if I'm going to freak them out or not. Updated my facebook status weirdly a little while ago on a chocolate(cookie)high - currently wondering if anyone's going to comment or if they'll be like, "WTF, I am not touching that one. D:"

So because I'm feeling all weird, and I don't feel like talking about my life at the moment (which is basically a series of unwarranted emos with no valid cause), I'm updating you on.... dan da-daaaaaan, music I'm addicted to lately!

So, here you are, 5 tracks I keep playing on my iPod whenever I'm listening to it. I love my Skullcandy headphones. :)

America's Suitehearts (Suave Suarez remix) - Fall Out Boy (big surprise that they make it on here, right? XD)


I love the original song, but I love this remix too. Not quite like I Don't Care, where I vastly prefer the remix to the original, though. Speaking of, if you haven't seen the America's Suitehearts video that came out Monday(?), you should look it up, Patrick looks like a debonair chicken (quoteunquote) in his yellow suit and lipstick. XD

Accident and Emergency - Patrick Wolf


I've been pretty addicted to his stuff since finding him in an Arthur/Merlin (I know, I know XD) fanmix (the song was Tristan, which is also awesome). He's really amazingly talented (I can't even remember how many instruments he can play) and has done a bunch of different styles of music. This is probably my favourite song by him at the moment, though. The video quality seems a little bad, so you might want to just listen to it? I don't know. :/

Time to Pretend - MGMT


The first time I heard this, I was like "WTF?! *frownyface*" The second time, I was hooked. There's something about the beginning of the song, particularly that, uh, little repeated tune(?) *lol knows all the technical words* that stuck in my head and made me keep listening. Then there's something about the vocals and the lyrics... I feel like it's a song that I might only like a lot briefly, but I'll listen to it 6 months from now and go "Oh yeah, I remember~ *happyface*"

Fuzzy Blue Lights - Owl City


I can't remember if I included any Owl City last time I did this type of thing... I think I did, but I don't remember. If I didn't, I totally should've. This song feels, to me, sort of melancholy but happy at the same time? *completely doesn't make sense* I don't know, it has a sort of lullabye feel to it. If I'm listening to it (or, actually, most Owl City songs) when I'm walking around shopping or something, I go into a sort of too-relaxed daze and almost bump into people. XD;;

Sexy Mistake - The Chalets


Greys Anatomy music video~ XD I like this band, they have a good sound. I couldn't find a good video of the song I wanted, so this is my second choice. I really like the part at then end where it's like "I will regret this every day".

So yeah~ My current taste in music, right there. Except throw in some Sufjan Stevens and a LOT more Fall Out Boy (lolemo!, I know~ XD) and some P!ATD. Feel free to pick apart/criticise~ P:

Which creature of the night are you? Your Result: Sorceror   Control is the name of your game. You are a studied tactician and scientist and you seek a kingdom where things make sense, damn the morals, even if you have to create it. You are cold, calm and calculating.
Cthulu Spawn
Demon
Werewolf
Vampire
Incubus/Succubus
Ghost
Which creature of the night are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

So, yeah. Cold, calm and calculating.

DO NOT MESS WITH ME OK I WILL FUCK YOU UP WITH MAGIC.

wth~ >.<

Your Results:

1. Secular Humanism (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (92%)
3. Nontheist (79%)
4. Liberal Quakers (77%)
5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (65%)
6. Theravada Buddhism (65%)
7. Neo-Pagan (62%)
8. Taoism (53%)
9. New Age (51%)
10. Reform Judaism (45%)
11. Mahayana Buddhism (40%)
12. Orthodox Quaker (37%)
13. Scientology (35%)
14. New Thought (32%)
15. Sikhism (32%)
16. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (26%)
17. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (25%)
18. Seventh Day Adventist (23%)
19. Baha'i Faith (22%)
20. Hinduism (22%)
21. Jainism (20%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (19%)
23. Eastern Orthodox (14%)
24. Islam (14%)
25. Orthodox Judaism (14%)
26. Roman Catholic (14%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (10%)

http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMatic.aspx

why do I think it is appropriate to use my Haunter icon for anything related to stuff that could be considered in any way 'supernatural'? /total fail

Seems like the reults are kind of fitting, though.

The one thing that makes me feel like
this isn't really home any more
is not knowing where the light switches are
in the dark.

Going through your underwear at 3am 'cause you're packing to go home in 8 hours and thinking, "Wow, I don't have enough pants."

:/

My room smells like laundry~ It's nice.

Now if only it was a little warmer. But I don't want to turn the heating up and increase our bills. ~ 6~

That would suck.

I am feeling very strange after eating way too much sugar while watching 28 Days Later which was pretty cool, I like zombie movies, but now I think I'm like... coming down from a sugar high or something.

Only one more day til I go home.

I'm feeling more creative lately, and ideas for stuff just keep sparking off in my head.

This means that I'm getting back to an even keel on sleep and stuff, but emotionally the worse I feel the more I have to make things to let it out.

So I'm not sure whether to be happy about this or not, but for now I can't help but be a bit optimistic. Ideas sparking off everywhere can do that to you.

Now if only I could psychically do laundry, I'd be set. = w=

Did you ever do something stupid like wear a pair of shoes that gave you a blister, then wear them again later that same day?

+++

I really wish I could stop anyone from being hurt. I wish I could take the pain and injury instead. I hate seeing someone get hurt and knowing that there's nothing I can do for them. And feeling like I'm somehow to blame because I didn't protect them. Even strangers.

Is there such a thing as a guilt complex? I must have it.

+++

Got Fall Out Boy's new album and I love it.